1 Bird 3 attacks!

Yesterday was hilarious. I go outside around noon and I'm just walking around the yard and I see this nest of some species of Gnatcatcher. There was a teenager in the nest and that thing was in my mouth in about 3 seconds flat. No joke.

So I come marching in the house with the whole damn bird alive INSIDE my mouth and stroll into the bedroom where the people are playing on their computers and goddamn if they didn't start yelling and hollering like you've never seen. I was all, "It's only a gnatcatcher yawl..." But before I could explain that it wouldn't hurt them they had grabbed me and thrown me in the bathroom. Last I saw of the bird, it was flapping around like crazy. At least I managed to pull out a few tail feathers.

They let me out a few minutes later and the bird is nowhere to be found so I go back outside to see what's up and guess what? That same bird is back in its nest again! I mean...I'm pretty smart for a cat, but you'd think that even if you were some dumb bird you'd realize that's a terrible idea. So I caught it again. And brought it back inside again. And got thrown in the bathroom again. And let out a few minutes later.

So I went back outside. AND THAT FUCKING BIRD IS BACK IN ITS NEST AGAIN. So I had to catch it again and bring it back inside. At this point most of its tail feathers are gone and when the people start hollering this time, I bite down because enough's enough. They got to me pretty quick though and all I had was another mouth full of tail feathers. And back into the bathroom I went. The whole thing was starting to get a little old...especially because by now I knew exactly where I was going to go when I got out of the bathroom.

But they kept me in there a looooong time. I could hear them jumping around and yelling....and I could hear the bird flapping around. Did I mention that Gnatcatchers are really really fast? They are tremendously fast. I guess you have to be fast if you're going to chomp gnats in midair. All in all it probably took them 4 hours to catch that little bird, which is hilarious when you realize it didn't have any feathers on its ass.


They brought it to the wildlife rescue center this morning all locked up in a cat carrier. I overheard them talking about how they told the wildlife rescue workers that the bird was really fast when they were taking it into the facility and that the workers came back out to report that the bird had escaped and was now at large in the building. Not to toot my own horn but like I said, they're really really fast. They're going to wait until it's feathers grow back to release it, but the facility isn't too far from my house...and I know right where that little idiot is going to be in a few weeks.

-Beau